Entering an Exit
by Sparkableeder
Summary: What if Lavi was stuck in the dream world Road put him in? What if the Black Order had the choice to let him live or die? Rated T for graphic violence, torture and disturbed things.
1. Prologue

_**I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY-MAN!** DON'T SUE!_

_What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?_

In the hallowed halls of the Black Order, there was only silence to be heard and no faces to be seen. If one chose to take a corridor and make their way to the infirmary they would find a single room inhabited with a young man wrapped in bandages. Upon opening the door the sounds of a heart monitor would be first heard then the first glance of life support systems; feeding tube, intravenous drip, mechanical respiration, urinary catheterization and dialysis. It is clear this man is in a coma and should have died some time ago. The smell of his burnt fresh would startle one's nose then the sight of his broken bones protected in casts would draw said person near. But the one thing that would drive them back would be the half lidded eyes that hold no reflection of light or life, that are as hollow as the halls they came through. This was the apprentice bookman, Lavi of the Black Order.

The events that brought this poor soul is a jumbled story. When a female exorcist known as Lenalee was kidnapped by the Noah clan, half a group of exorcists chase after her and onto the Ark. Lavi was in this group. The events that followed would change the Black Order forever. When Road Camelot put Lavi into a dream world, he became her puppet. Lavi struggled against his past self and illusionary copies of his friends in the dream. Unable to strike them all down, he was defeated and one of his personas from his past took over his body. Though for a moment he regained control and stabbed Road Camelot in the dream world, defeating her, when the fire of the seal from his hammer engulfed him he was trapped in the illusion. A male exorcist named Allen could not save his friend fast enough. And although Allen Walker made his wish through the piano and the Ark to save everyone, Lavi remained mangled and in the dream world. And so here the story begins, at the Black Order where everyone has returned alive but one still sleeps.

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**Welcome to my first D. Gray-man fic. This is a what if story about Lavi. I hope you enjoy it. If you like it please fav and things becaus ethere will be many chapters. Please comment.**

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	2. Chapter 1

_**DON'T OWN DON'T SUE!!**_

**A/N: Chapter one has begun. Sorry it's so short but I promise the others will be longer. I will try. BTW each chapter has a theme song that you can look up and listen to along with it.**

**"Across the sky" by Emilie Autumn**

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What is your substance?Where of are you made?  
That millions of strange shadows on you tend  
Since everyone, hath everyone, one shade  
And you but one, can every shadow lend…_

In a thick murk, the red head felt his body sinking down like in water. Yet there was nothing but a darkness around him, blacker than black, as if he were in hell. Green darted side to side begging for light. His mouth gasped for air to scream only to be choked. He was suffocating on nothing, as if someone had placed a plastic bag over his face. His arms fought to stop the sinking as his torso convulsed. Lavi wanted to swim but no movement he made freed him from this pain. The young man begged for death now for his lung burned more than fire and his muscles tightened. Soon the teen's body was shaking violently, every bit of him twisting in a tremor. _"Please God…" _

A sharp pain came that jolted air into his lungs and he felt electricity shock him. He cried out as a second came shock came and his decent downward sped up. Eye wide and searching, he could not see his attacker as another painful shock jerked his. Then a crack, his body landed hard against something like stone and Lavi screamed as tears fell from his eyes. Was he…was he going to hell? Was he already there?

Lavi whimpered and sobbed like a child before slowly curling up into a fetal position. His body still shook some as he moaned out a cry for mercy. In his mind, the memories of his last seconds alive flashes and he whimpered more. Allen had tried to save him and Lenalee was crying so much. He missed them. He missed everyone. He even missed that mean old panda. He wanted to say goodbye, he wanted a second chance.

"You're pathetic." Came a voice that made Lavi jerk toward the direction from which it came. There was a reflection of himself but in a long heavy coat with his head wrapped in a long thick scarf. "You should know not to care about them."

"I'm still in the dream?" Lavi sat up realizing now that he may not be in hell.

"No. You're in a nightmare." The refection smiled as a gust of the coldest wind blew from behind it. "Do remember my name?"

"….your name…" The red head repeated as he shivered. "They are all aliases. It doesn't matter-"

"How could you forget something!? You promised to remember everything!!" the shadow hissed as ice flew in the wind. The ice cut Lavi's skin and he could feel his own blood freeze was it leaked out. It was frightening and painful. Frost formed on parts of his revealed flesh and he could feel the crystallizing, it all felt so real. This would be a feeling, along with many, that he would never forget.

"Who am I!?" Shouted the reflection.

"Forty Six! Alias Forty Six! I was you when I was in Siberia studying the prisoners! We weren't there long…I was you for only five weeks." Lavi felt his tears freeze and his sobbed quietly.

"Why do you care about those people?" Forty Six questioned as the wind died down.

"I don't know!" Sobbed a man who was merely boy now, weeping out of fear and sadness.

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**Comment Please! I hope you enjoyed what you've read so far.**


	3. Chapter 2

_**DON'T OWN DON'T SUE!**_

**A/N: Chapter two is to my length standards so I am happy. I will try hard to fill in any gaps brought up to me. In case you haven't notice, Lavi's world cosides with the real world. So each chapter will bounce back and forth. **

**"My Skin" by Natalie Merchant**

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_'Cause I've been treated so wrong  
I've been treated so long  
As if I'm becoming untouchable_

"We've done what we can but he's in a deep coma." The man with glasses began. "Much of his bodily functions have stopped but we have him on life support. If he wakes, he may have severe damage and not be able to do many of the things he did before. He'll have some brain damage but he could go into rehab to re-teach him how to work things again. There is a 70% chance he could become a vegetable…in all honestly, he is very close to being that right now. There are other operation that can be done to help stabilize him more and raise the chance of recovery."

The doctor checked over the chart as he spoke with the supervisor. When Lavi was brought to the infirmary, he was stabilized within the first hour of his return. Those who had made it back from the Ark seemed to be very concerned for his survival. Allen Walker seemed to be very upset by how Lavi came out. Komui Lee nodded to the doctor then looked to the patient who stared blankly at the ceiling. The Bookman stood in the room watching over his apprentice.

"Road's technique should have worn off when he defeated her…" Komui paused and looked back to the doctor. "How could is be that he is still in the illusion?"

"We have an idea." The doctor began as he closed the chart. "We believe that maybe she damaged his brain, making him sink more and more into the dream."

Komui only nodded again and let the doctor return to his duties. The supervisor moved to stand next to Bookman. For a while they only stood there looking as Lavi. His hair was shorter now and some of his face burnt, but he still resembled the young man who came here some time ago. With all the bandages and the casts it was unsure if his body would be the same.

It had been a whole 24 hours since everyone came home. When he had first seen Lavi, Komui was so sure he was already dead. To everyone's amazement, he had survived but his organs were failing. In the past hours the doctor and nurses had put him on life support, each machine added by just a short hour span from each. It was unsightly to see a person as lively as Lavi was connected to so many tubes and wires. It was as if he was a machine growing out dated and the owner trying to make it last until they could buy a new one.

Bookman walked to the side of the bed and it was then that Komui noticed that the older man's eyes were puffy. He watched as the historian placed his hand over the boy's eye and closed it. The man took this as note that the bookman was saying goodbye, probably expecting the red head to never wake. Without a word, the dark eyed man left the room leaving the other man alone with Lavi.

Minutes passed as the long haired man wondered if Lavi would've wanted this, to be kept alive though his body was failing. Was the young man's soul even there? Is he aware of the pain? How much longer until he would be brain-dead?

Komui cleared his throat from clenching before moved to now stand by the bed. He had said that Lavi would some back and fall asleep, that he would need to place a blanket over the young teen. Komui did just that and pulled the blanket under Lavi's chin then swallowed.

"Lavi…" Komui sighed. "What happened?"

He would get no answers. What Komui needed now was to get answers for other questions that his superiors would be asking. He also had to break the knew to the others so that they could maybe say their goodbyes, unless the council decided against it.

As he turned his back, he heard a long beep and his eyes widened before his pivoted back fast. The heart monitor read things he didn't want to believe. The world slowed as the doctor and nurses rushed in. The took out the defibulator and cleared Lavi's chest before giving a shock. Komui could hear the word 'clear' echo in his head as the doctor did it again and then once more. Finally the beeping returned and Komui could breathe again. Quickly he left the room and hurried down the hall to his office.

Once safe from prying eyes, Komui let out a yelp before he cried softly. Many had died in battle and at the Black Order doing their jobs but it always hurt and he couldn't help but to cry often. There was a belief that everyone had to have strength when dealing with so much death. Yet, it never made it easy. The closer one gets to someone, the more it hurts.

Wiping away the tears, the supervisor sat down at his desk and rest his head in his hand. He knew it would be his job to break the news to the others. Lenalee and Allen would take it the hardest but he'd be there to comfort them. He also had to make a choice whether or not to take him off life support. It was a part of his job but it didn't make it easy. He would seek the doctor's opinion and others. This could take a while. Even if Lavi came out of it, he would be out of commission for a long while. There would be a lot of pain as he heal and he'd need rehabilitation. Then again, what the doctor had said meant Lavi may never be at full strength to fight.

Maybe it would be for the best to let the boy go. Maybe then Lavi could be at peace. Then he wouldn't have to be used as a weapon. But then again Lavi ahs dreams in becoming a bookman. Komui couldn't just deny him a chance to fight. Like many people, Komui was caught between two ideas. He knew he'd have to base his choice on what the doctor and other consultants had to say.

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**Thank you for reading! Comments will be used to fuel my fire! **


	4. Chapter 3

_**DON'T OWN DON'T SUE!**_

**A/N: Hope you are enjoying the fic. I really do need feedback on what you'd like to see or anything like that.**

**"Room of Angel" by** **Akira Yamaoka**

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_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.  
[Goodbye]  
It was always you that I despised.  
I don't feel enough for you to cry, [oh no]  
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,  
[Goodbye]_

The ground was made of black pebbles that glistened as if wet. It was odd that they glistened at all in a land of darkness. Lavi stumbled as he dragged his feel toward a distant nothing. Hugging himself, the redhead kept searching for an exit to this dream. The world he was in was dark, cold and empty. Everything was a repeat of the same. The young man stopped and looked behind himself. He had made sure to just walk straight and never turn so as not to end up in a circle. He was afraid at every step. Yet he begged to hit a wall to tell him there is an end to this world.

One thing he didn't understand was why he was still in the illusion even though he defeated Road. Without her powers, how could it be possible that he would be still dreaming? Maybe He didn't defeat the real her. Lavi shivered slightly before turning to walk forward again, each step unsteady.

The ground's texture changed and he froze. With a frightened eye he looked down and regretted doing so. Under him was a pit of black snakes. Within second he slipped under into the fury of the twisting serpents, no chance given to get out. He screamed bloody murder, he writhed and fought for freedom. At the scream, the snakes began to bite and constrict him. Lavi was in a panic and screamed more at the horrible pain being inflicted on his body. The terror from the pain was added with the feel of the thin bodies encircling him.

A green eye gave tears and it seemed this was truly the end. Why was he being put through all this torture? He cried out like a child for their mother, still struggling to get free as the sea of snakes reached his shoulders. He could hear other cries. Lavi looked to his side and saw many hands and some tuffs of red hair. The apprentice realized that his other forms were there. He could tell by their voice pitches they were the young him.

"W-who's there? Who are you!?" He scream the last part as he felt more pain shiver through his spine.

"T-twenty two…" Whispered one.

"Ten…" Whimpered another.

"Fo-…ur!" Came a muffled cry from beneath.

There were other muffled cries from under the swarm. Lavi sank down more until his face was being bitten. Was he going to meet all of his aliases? He wept quietly as he struggled to keep his face at the surface. His mind was clouded with questions, so many it would take hours to say. The teen realized that he only had to give his first alias an answer to be saved.

"What do you want!?" He shrieked. "What do I need to do…to be freed!?

"So much pain…the world…" Hissed Twenty-two.

"N-nothing b-but war." Ten squeaked,

"No under-…standing….of…love." Four's broken message came. "No…v-value of…life."

"I don't understand." Lavi felt himself sink more. How could he appease them? Maybe this was his end, his punishment. His eye squeezed closed. He gasped for air as a hand grabbed him by the hair and began to pull. Within moments, Lavi was free from the swirling serpents.

When he opened his eye, the boy saw another reflection but this one was in old clothes that were worn down. The alias looked down at him and pulled snakes that still hung on off of Lavi.

"Thirty?" He questioned and the shadow looked at him before helping Lavi to sit up. "We… we need to pull them-"

"No." Thirty answered in a cold tone. "Them have to be there."

"Why?" Lavi wiped the tears from his cheek then looked at the bloody bite mark all over his body. He ached from them and the constricting of the pythons. He was guessing none of them were poisonous.

"This is where they have put themselves." The reflection stood up. "They are punishing themselves."

"What?" The red head did not understand what Thirty meant.

"This is the Serpent Sea. A place of sorrow." He looked at Lavi. "Because when they went to see the world, they were shorn the evil truth."

With that Thirty turned around and adjusted his coat. Lavi just sat staring at the sea, hearing the mournful cries that killed him inside. He remember how sad and disappointed he was when he was younger, finding out that humanity generally only fought and killed. Life seemed like hit had no value to either side in a war.

"You have to get out of here, Lavi." The shadow brought Lavi's mind back to him. "You have to get out alive. You have to dry up the sea."

And the shadow was gone. The exorcist sat there staring at the torment of the snakes. Pulling his legs up to his chest, Lavi took in the words just spoken to him. At least one of his aliases wanted him to live, but why? It was hard to think when all he could hear was screaming and crying. Soon he too cried, not for the pain he was in, but for the memories of seeing war at it's worst. In the darkness he wept without any comfort but swore that one could hear a voice saying 'You have to come back' over and over.

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**Thank you for reading and reviewing~! Comments will be used to make cake!**


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